I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
