If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
