there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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