Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
