So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
