Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
