Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
