Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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