Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
