Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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