she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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