I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
