we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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