Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
