I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
