I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
