you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
