it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
