it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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