i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
