I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
