things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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