In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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