drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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