he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
