I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
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