we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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