I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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