you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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