final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
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