I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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