just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
