He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
