I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
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