i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
