he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
