My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
