I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
