Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Randomize
