So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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