They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
