I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
