Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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