these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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