Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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