My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
