Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
