I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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