**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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