Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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