I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
