why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
