He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
We had sex on a dog bed..
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
