this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
My vagina is very pro this idea
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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