Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
