My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
