ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
