Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
