I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
