I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
